Strangers, Odd Questions, Hair, Self Esteem & Little Girls

I recently got a great question from Happy Girl Hair reader Necia, over on our facebook page. Necia's writes,

Lately when I've been in public I have gotten comments about my daughters hair to the effect of: "that must take forever" or "how long does THAT take." What is a response that will help build my daughters self esteem, she's only 18 months, and educate my son, age 7, who is taking this all in?

I have to admit that although I've gotten these types of comments from strangers and acquaintances before, I never given a lot of thought much about how my answer could affect my daughters' view of themselves. Once I mulled over Necia's question, I realized that I do give very different answers based on the what I think the asker's interest truly is, her tone of voice, or her attitude when she asks. And what's more, even though I never really examined it before, I now realize my answers are all about protecting my kids.

When I've gotten the "that must take forever" comment from someone very rude, I've just said a short, friendly, but firmly dismissive "Not really" or "It's all relative." If the person seems to need a reminder that caring for my child isn't a burden, I might throw in a, "We're happy to spend that time together."

If I'm asked by a friendly person who seems genuinely interested and I wouldn't mind further conversation, I might give a slightly more in depth answer like, "This style took a bit longer than usual." or "Oh no, this is a quick style for us."

In my experience, there is a big difference between "How long did that take?" and "How long did THAT take?" If I get a lowercase that, I try to give an accurate estimate but will also mention about how we much we enjoy that time. When I get that negative, derisive, all caps, THAT, I give a very general answer and then redirect. It usually goes something like this, "Oh, styling takes us a few hours a week. We really cherish that one on one time and we always have a good time." The good time part might be stretching the truth just a bit. It isn't always tons of fun, but it's a good reminder for the kids that I love caring for them and it helps the stranger understand that we love each other, enjoy spending time together, and that this is a choice we've made.

What I'd like to know is how you answer strangers when they make comments like those Necia describes? Do you give a pragmatic answer, maybe just giving the actual time it took? Do you see it as an opportunity to build your child's self esteem or to express your love and commitment to you child? Neither? Both? 


Hey there everyone, I'm jumping back into this post to tell you about Happy Girl reader Kimberly's fantastic response to the question "How long did THAT take?" It's a beautifully and simply stated, "She's worth every moment." What a perfect answer. Thanks for sharing that, Kimberly.

School Photo Hair Style? Eh, Whatever.

We have school photos coming up in a few days. In years past, I've kind of fussed over how to style the girls' hair and what to dress them in, planning well in advance. This year, my attitude is a lot more relaxed. It isn't as though we get photos taken a lot, so school pictures do matter to us, but the girls themselves just don't seem to have any strong interest or opinions about what to wear or how to style their hair. I think I'm taking my cues from them.

Today I needed to wash, detangle and style Little B's hair. Since picture day is only a few days away, the style she chose today will be her style for pictures too. I was feeling energetic this morning and wanted to put in some serious time on Little B's hair, but she wasn't so excited about that. I offered a head of cornrows, but she rejected that as soon as she thought about how long it would take. As a compromise, we went for what we always call Queen style, which is a cornrowed area along the hairline worn with an afro. We call it Queen style because I  always think she looks so regal with her hair like this. This time, I did a diagonal, off-center part with one larger cornrow on one side and two narrower one on the other. I didn't band the ends at all, I just twisted them a little. I tucked all the braid ends behind her ears for a really clean, simple look.

I used my hands to shape her hair into a rounded afro after I detangled and trimmed. I used a water-based leave-in to moisturize and help her curls shrink down and then a little oil to seal and impart some extra shine. 

I knew she needed major detangling, but as I went through her hair, I could see a ton of split ends and some fuzz. I know we won't be able to get a trim scheduled any time soon, so I grabbed my shears and got busy. After detangled each small section, I gently combed out the very ends with my rat tail comb and trimmed just a tiny bit. I went very slowly and it about an hour and a half to get it all done. Although it felt like I was cutting a lot, when I gathered the hair all up, it wasn't really very much. When I do next take her for a real trim, I'm sure our regular stylist will be happy I didn't go nuts with the shears.

Look at how red and wrinkled my fingers are. I forgot about how cold my hands get after working on hair for a couple of hours on Fall and Winter mornings. Can you see the trapped bits of fuzz in the hair I trimmed? 

I'm really glad I took the extra time to get those ends fixed up a bit. Her hair feels so much better and it's easier to work with. It just looks better too. Now, I guess I better go figure out what she'll wear on picture day.

Have you had school pictures yet or are they coming up soon? How did you/are you styling hair? How do you chose what your child will wear? Do they have a lot of choice or do you decide?

Natural Hair, Winter Care

Did anyone else have to turn the heat on this past week? In the Pacific Northwest, we are starting to see chilly, rainy days and the low overnight temps that cozy PJs and fuzzy blankets were made for. As we head toward winter, I thought it would be a good time to point you in the direction of a few older, but still relevant, posts about caring for natural hair during winter.

Winter Care for Natural Hair details our strategy for hair care when temperature drops.

Hats for Happy Hair, is about my search for satin-lined winter hats. It was written back in 2009 when I was still figuring out The Hat Situation and was looking for something that would minimize the dryness and frizziness caused by traditional winter hats. We've been using satin-lined hats for a couple of seasons now and I can't say enough good things about them. Links to sellers of satin-lined, yet cozy, hats are included in Hats for Happy Hair.

Come and meet Our Friend Penguin. She's our helper when we need to add moisture to a house that's become dry from all that hot air pumping out of the furnace.

While we're at it, let's talk skin care too. You can learn about the different types of moisturizers available and find out what our winter skin routine looks like by reading my creatively titled post, Winter Skin Care.

Enjoy and stay warm!


PS That photo of Little B making a snow angel was taken last year. That little dusting represents our annual snowfall amounts. That's enough snow to close school around here. Go ahead, laugh. I'm from upstate NY, I think it's funny too.