Look What Came Home with the Girls...

I found this little gem about head lice attached to the girls' homework packets. I didn't see the notice until this morning, but I knew it was coming because I overheard some of school staff talking about it as we retrieved Little R's lunchbox from her classroom, after she left it behind for the umpteenth time.

Need a refresher on lice and what to do about it? You can read my very favorite Good to Know called Lice. Yes, Lice.

Read. Watch. Enjoy!

More natural hair blogs and vlogs are launched every day. Often, when I come across one devoted just to caring for kids' natural hair, I feel as though I've struck gold. There are some amazing women writing all about their children's natural hair. Over the next several weeks, I'll be introducing Happy Girl Hair readers to some of my favorite sites. Each woman is writing and speaking with her own unique perspective, sharing knowledge, and demonstrating helpful techniques.

Some of these sites may be familiar to you, and some may be new. I've asked each mom to answer a series of questions about her site, about her life, and about hair. Their answers are as individual as each of their sites. If you read, and if you watch, I think you'll enjoy!

Read. Watch. Enjoy! begins this Tuesday...

Saturday Spotlight: Threaded Styles

Welcome to the weekend, everyone! Let's hop across the pond and visit with of two lovely ladies who are both contributing to today's Saturday Spotlight. Mama B lives in The Netherlands with her family and she is showing off styles she has done using the threading techniques British vlogger Nadine, creator of GirlsLoveYourCurls, has featured in her excellent videos. Let's spend some time with Mama B and then watch one of Nadine's videos. Okay? Okay.

Let me give you a small introduction about myself. My name is Mama B and I am 31 years old. I am married and have two kids. One girl Miss E and the other is a boy. I am a Ghanain and so is my husband, and my kids. I have lived in Holland almost all my life now. This spotlight will be about Miss E, she is 5 years old and has a 4b hair type.

She was born totally bald and I wanted a girl so bad because I wanted to do different stuff with her hair. Silly as I was, I covered her head most of the time with cap since people will be making comments about her baldness. So when she turned one, she started to have some hair so that is when the whole journey started.

I also have stubborn hair, very, very, very coarse and I was bald too as a baby so everyone was like, "Oh, she will inherit your kind of hair" and that made me more determined to prove them wrong. It's actually so silly if you think about it, but I couldn't stand it when people said, "She won't get hair." Neglecting everything anyone said, I kept on doing my thing, not always in the right way. Her hair was growing, gradually, until it flourished. People were shocked to see her hair after 3/4 years. They were like, "how did this happen?"

Look at that beautiful head of hair!

About a year ago, I got to know some natural hair blogs like yours and that really was a transformation. Since I had this thing in my head that when she grows up a bit I will give her a perm. Yes, I am born again, and I will NEVER EVER put any kind of perm in her beautiful natural hair. I dont like using any heat to her hair because of the damage, etc., so I got to learn from this Ghanaian woman born in England on  You Tube. I knew that style and did it once a while, but then she came out with cute styles with it. I was so excited about it and since then use it on Miss E's hair, and it loves her hair. I enjoy Nadine's video's so much. She showed how to do African threading. This threading stretches 4a/b/c hair to the max, like it has been blow dried. I think maybe it will be helpfull for other mothers with kids with that hair. I have made different kinds of threaded hair styles. For moisture, I use my own homemade shea butter mix (shea butter, evoo, castor oil, castor oil, almond oil and vitamine e). I have included pictures of different kind of thread hair (below) and also how it looks like when it is out (see above).

Here is one of the threading videos Nadine has produced for her Your Tube channel GirlsLoveYourCurls. Nadine is funny, engaging, and her videos are a treat to watch. Please check out this video on African Threaded Bantu Buns and then head over to her channel for more!

Many thanks to Mama B and Miss E for sharing their story, and thank you to Nadine for allowing me to include her video here. 

If I Had Only Known....

Over a year ago, HGH reader, Jamey, suggested a post detailing what I wish I had known when I just started caring for hair. Jamey, it's a great idea and while I'm sorry it's taken me fourteen months to get it done, I'm happy we are wrapping up our Week oh Oh! with your suggestion. This is what I wish I'd known...

If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
I was pretty lucky to find great products almost from the beginning of caring for the girls' hair, but until very recently, I kept trying all sorts of new things. All of that product testing has messed up a good routine more than once. While it's true that we all have to kiss a few product frogs before we find our princess, I wish I'd known that there is nothing wrong with sticking with what works for our hair and budget. The same goes for routines, techniques, and styles. The things that keep the hair in good condition, keep breakage to a minimum, and work with the time and tools we have are all worth keeping. I wish I had done less looking around and focused more on what was already working.

If it is broken, don't panic!
Whether it's excessive broken hair, an out of whack, broken routine, or a broken attitude, it's easy to get worked up or feel down about it. I wish I'd known that broken happens. It's inevitable. Every time I was confronted by a broken whatever, I rushed off to try to fix it - or at least quickly figure out the source. Now when broken happens, I try to resist that urge. I try to stop and look around, taking time to carefully consider what is broken and why. That keeps me from wasting time, effort, or money on a problem. It also saves me from creating a bigger mess by trying to rush a solution.

Fingers are great for pointing the way.
If I had just known this from the start, it would have saved me and the girls a ton of heartache and hairache. I wish I'd know the game-changing, life-altering ease of finger detangling. It would have been something to know that cramped fingers were delivering messages about too much traction. It would have been great to know that I could trust my fingers to tell me what the hair needed - whether it was a trim or more moisture. I wonder what the hair care would have looked like had I known that my hands were both my most important hair tool and my most sensitive gauge.

Now I know these things, and now you do too.


What are your If I Had Only Knowns?

The Importance of a Trim

I'd like you all to welcome Martha, today's guest blogger. For our Week of Oh, she is sharing one of her Oh! discoveries on the importance of getting regular trims. This post comes at a good time for me. Little R's ends have been looking a little ragged lately and I've been meaning to schedule a trim. Yesterday, they reached a tipping point that made me rush to the phone for a hair appointment. I went back through my calendar to see when she last had a trim. Little R does best with trims every eight weeks or so, but  my calendar revealed it's already been thirteen long weeks. Sadly, I think we'll be cutting a lot more hair than we would have had we done two normally scheduled trims. Talk about an Oh moment. Well, maybe that's more of a D'oh! moment.

Here is Martha's story,

When Miss E was adopted at 6.5, she had short, thick (4b) hair that was growing out from being cropped. While she probably needed a good trim, I avoided it because she was conscious of her short hair. As her hair grew out, I knew that trims were important to address problems I could see such as her ends not locing properly at the braid ends. I tried the angle trim-while-the-hair-is-in-smallish box braids two or three times over a year. While my first boxes probably were not small enough and I trimmed too infrequently, I was not trimming out some areas of damaged and broken hair. I don’t know the cause or when the breakage occurred, but it was probably a combination of nutritional background, best-as-could-be hair care during her 8 months in a transitional care center, my learning curve on protective styling and finding the right moisturizing products, and our overuse of beads.

A year plus later, during a professional braiding for a major party, Miss E’s hair was blown out and I could finally see the issue more clearly: frayed ends, uneven sides and the breakage in the middle of the back of her head that was growing out.

We are now on a good path to address the past damage and avoid future problems with professional trims about 10-12 weeks. Stylists blow her hair out to trim. The first trim also required flat ironing. I know that some people want to avoid all heat, but it’s been helpful to get Miss E’s hair evened out. Occasional heat is probably not harmful in the long term. I wash, comb out and put Miss E’s hair in chunky braids or twists before we go.This speeds up the blow out by keeping her hair in sections to avoid retangling. Miss E, now 8, does not love the blow out process, but she is patient with it. I have sometimes combined the trim with professional braiding.

Blowing out for the first major trim.

It is worth it for me to have Miss E’s hair professionally trimmed in trying to correct past issues. Plus, she enjoys the positive experience of being in an African American salon surrounded by women and men who look like her and praise her internal and external beauty. We are fortunate to have at least two nearby excellent natural hair care salons with stylist specializing in children. I like them both.

If you think your sweetie could benefit from a trim and you don't know where to start, check out this post on trimming the hair yourself or this one on finding a stylist.

Cornrow Oh No, Common Cornrowing Problems

There are two very common cornrowing problems that crop up for time to time for even experienced braiders. I think of them as the Big Two. Both are easily avoided with a little know how - and you are about to know how.

Before we get into the Big Two, let's take a minute to talk about hand position when cornrowing. If you are just learning to cornrow, you may want to watch this video. I also encourage you to watch other videos on cornrowing too; not only because mine was made on a grumpy day but because cornrowing can be tricky at first and watching lots of people braid may be helpful. Once you are ready to braid, I want you to look at your hands and say, "low and loose." Command those hands to rest lightly just below where you are braiding, and keep the fingers and wrists loose, loose, loose. At first it may seem like your braid won't turn out well if you don't pull and keep everything tight. Trust me on this, hands held loosely can produce braids that look great and don't hurt the braider or the braided.

Say it with me now, "Low and Loose. Low and Loose."

With that out of the way, let's move on to the Big Two. Please note that in many of these photos I have moved my hands from the low and loose position so you can get a better view of the braid.

Problem #1: You are happily braiding along when you notice that the cornrow is way up here and the section of hair you are adding is way down there. Like this:

This is caused by adding too much hair at once. It can be hard to limit how much is added, especially when the hair is not very full, but there are two ways to go about it. The first is to grab the hair you would normally add, but then divide it in two, taking hair from just the right or left side. On the next stitch, use the hair from the other side.

Another option is to just add a few hairs on some stitches. This is helpful in places where the hair is very sparse.

Look just above the braid section on the far right. I really am
adding that little hair to this stitch. When adding just a bit of
hair be extra careful to keep everything loose - don't pull the braid tight!

If the distance between the braid and the section you are adding from isn't too great, you can do some stitches where you don't add any hair. However, the cornrow won't be anchored to anything and you run the risk of it bubbling out a bit. I wouldn't do this for more than a stitch or two because the cornrow can not only look wonky, but can get caught on something and pull the hair. This technique can also cause some odd-looking part lines around the braid, so use it sparingly.

Several unanchored stitches are enough for me to put my
pinky through the braid. I can just imagine this getting caught in
something on something as she's playing, so I try to avoid this.

I'm pointing to the unintentional part lines this creates.

As you braid, be mindful that the end of the braid should be sitting immediately above the section you are adding hair from. If it isn't, undo the braid a bit and try again.

The section I'll add from is directly adjacent to the braid. I've
moved my hands and the braid sections up and out of the way.
When I put my hands back in the low and loose position, the
middle section will lay immediately next to the unbraided hair.

Problem #2: When you started braiding, the cornrow was very close to the scalp. Now that you are almost at the end of the row, it isn't sitting on the scalp anymore. 

This is both about technique and anatomy. Remember telling our hands to stay low and loose? That will help ensure a braid that sits close to the scalp. However, as you braid down or around, it is much harder to maintain this position because of the shape of the head. Changing position is a good way to keep cornrows close to the scalp when you get to awkward parts. When working higher up on the side of the head, you can have your little one tilt her head away from you to give you more room for your hands.
When working low on the side of the head, you can have her lay down on her side and you can stand or kneel perpendicular to her. When you are working at the nape of the neck, you can have her bend her head all the way forward. Experiment with positions until you find some that are comfortable for you both and allow you to keep your hands loose, low, and resting on the her head as you braid.

Little R has tilted her head away from me so I can place my
hands in the low and loose position over her ear, which allows
me to keep the cornrow close to the scalp all the way to the end.

I hope this has helped clear up a few cornrowing Oh No! moments for you. I would like to thank Little R, who was very patient while I did lots of what we called the mix up and the fix up. Thank you to Joyful Dad too, who had the presence of mind to clean the lens and then photograph it all using the "good" settings on the camera.

Big Sections, Big Problems

Is there anything cuter than a two puff style on a little girl? Or a three puff style? Or four? No, probably not. I loved this style when my girls were little. It was fast, easy, and quintessentially little girl. I even had the cutest little baby animal pony Os to hold it place.

I get a lot of email from parents wondering why their daughter has a lot of breakage, particularly around the hairline. After some questions, I almost always find the hair has been repeatedly styled in puffs. Many of us styled hair that way just as soon as the hair was long enough to be gathered. That can be a problem, especially for very young kids with short hair.

The bigger the section, the farther the hair at the outermost edges of that section has to stretch to reach the middle of the section. If the hair is quite short it and has to be pulled taut to be put in puffs or other styles that utilize large sections, the stress on the hair around the edges of the section can be tremendous. That hair can only withstand so much stretching combined with constant traction from bands that hold it, before it breaks.

How well the hair withstands the traction depends on the individual and the condition of the hair. Some people will experience breakage within hours of putting a large sectioned style, for others it is days or longer. For some, the breakage doesn't become noticeable until the hair has been styled this way again and again. Some may not experience breakage at all.

I know puffs are the go-to style for many, many parents of toddlers and preschoolers, but I see lots of photos showing substantial hairline and over-the-ear breakage, and even receding hairlines, from styling repeatedly in just a few puffs. If two or four puff styles really appeal to you, try putting a protective braid or flat twist (or two) along the hairline -like this. Another option is to cornrow or flat twist up to puffs. Still another is to reserve puff styles for longer hair. Other small fry friendly styles include coils, box braids and twists with small parts or no parts (free form). Remember, it's the stretching of hair over a large section and holding it taut at one point that causes stress, the actual style could be puffs, large box braids, large twists, or Bantu Knots. 

Here's a great comment from HGH reader Desta. I brought it up here because it's another option for safer puffs.

I also modify what to expect from a puff; a lot of really cute puff styles are clearly way tight and overly smooth. I use a looser, cloth band, gather the hair smoothly, then at the very end, move the band back a bit to create a little give. When my daughter's hair was super short, I did lots of little puff styles so not as much pulling on the hairline, but used elastic bands wrapped tightly. Eeeek.

Curls Will Be Curls - Saying No to Daily Detangling

Over the last week or so, I've heard from a bunch of folks who have mentioned detangling daily. This seems to be an issue when dealing with a looser curl pattern and shorter hair. When Little R was just a tot and her hair was short, I used to feel the need to get it tangle-free every single morning. I even used a pick, which was a pretty bad idea. It just seemed like the logical thing to do. I later found out it wasn't. I lacked a basic understanding of the purpose of detangling. If you had told me not to detangle daily way back then, these are the objections I might have raised then and the response I'd give now.

Why we detangle.

Periodic detangling is done to remove shed hair before mats form and to prepare the hair for styles that require detangled hair, such as braids and twists. What is periodic? I detangle no more than once a week or after I take out a long term protective style. By detangle, I mean full-on, get all the shed hair out, (temporarily) remove all tangles, and snip out any big, complex knots if necessary. For some people, full detangling might be needed once every two weeks or once a month. For others it might be just shy of a week. 

But, but, but, my daughter has really loose curls and wears her hair down. I've got to get every tangle out every day!

Nope. What happens to curls about three seconds after they are detangled? They tangle right back up. This is the nature of curly hair. It goes this way, that way, here, and there. I does not stay detangled unless it is styled to prevent tangling. Getting rid of every tangle, and expecting loose hair to stay detangled is unrealistic.

If loosely curled hair needs a little something after being slept on, use the fingers and a little moisturizing product and/or a spritz of water to gently separate the ends. I'd like to be clear that when I say use the fingers, I mean this in more of a finger-styling way than a finger-detangling way. When we do this, the goal is to help the hair hang well or have a nice shape, not to remove lots of tangles and shed hair. Need to know how? Here's a demonstration (I cover tight coils first, then looser curls). Another option for longer hair is to put the hair in a braid or two before bed. 

It just looks better if we detangle every day. 

I'll wager that if you use the fingers to separate loose curls and use the appropriate amount of moisturizing product, her hair will look great. I have never, ever looked at a head of curly hair and thought, "Wow, that hair really has a lot of tangles." But I have looked and thought, "Wow, that hair looks dry as a bone and could really use a leave-in conditioner."

There are solid reasons to avoid detangling often. The more curls are manipulated, the more potential there is for breakage. Detangling is not always an easy process and there is potential for excessive damage if it is done too often and/or improperly. Detangling can also be hard for a little kid too. When I tried to detangle my girls' hair every day, their fear of hair tools and hair time was palpable.

But I have a Denman/Kakakiki Komb/Goody Brush/Tangle Teezer/Detangling Comb and it's no problem to detangle every day.

I know how much easier it can be to detangle with a specialized tool like the Tangle Teezer, and I am often tempted to reach for it for Little R's hair in the morning, but I resist. Some of these are great tools, but none are magical. The same rules about gentle handling and frequency of detangling still apply when using a detangling tool. Ignore that and you may be hopping an express train to Breakage Town. 

If I don't detangle every day (or every other day) it will be a nightmare to detangle later.

Finger detangling is an important first step in the detangling process. Both finger detangling and the use of a good product to give the hair slip make a huge difference to how well the process goes and how long it takes. The shorter the hair and the looser the curl pattern the easier detangling is. It is also easier to detangle hair that has been well-moistuized throughout the week and has been freshly conditioned. Think of it this way too, detangle less often and you'll probably have a gorgeous head of unbroken hair to detangle. 


Make sense? I hope so. Let's let those curls be curls and leave them to do what they do best. 

The Week of Oh!

Have you ever wondered why your cornrows are close the scalp when you start braiding but aren't by the time you get to the end? Have you ever wondered why you are seeing breakage when you just styling your daughter's hair in the simplest of puffs? This is your week, The Week of Oh! As in, "Oh, I didn't know that." or "Oh, yeah, that makes sense." and "Oh, so that's how you do that!"

I'm taking this week to to address a few technique issues that crop up for a lot of people at one point or another in their styling journey. I'll be answering the questions that appear in my inbox every week and I'll be talking about a few topics that could stand to have a little more light shed on them.

Here is what I have lined up:

Monday: Curls Will Be Curls - Rethinking Daily Detangling

Tuesday: Big Sections, Big Issues

Wednesday: Cornrow Oh No, Common Cornrowing Problems

Thursday: Got a burning question we haven't covered before? Add it to the comments on this post, and maybe it will become the topic on Thursday! If you've had your own "Oh!" moment, please feel free to share that in the comments too! Otherwise, Thursday's topic will be When to Start Styling.

Friday: If I Only Knew Then What I Know Now

I've made almost every natural hair mistake there is to make, and you get to reap the benefits. Let's take a crack at turning that mountain of a learning curve into a molehill. See you tomorrow!

Saturday Spotlight: Box Braid Updo

Today, I'm excited to show you how Mommy R has taken a style I did for Little R and created something unique, beautiful, and great for an older child.

I was trying to come up with an updo for my daughter, who had her hair in about 90 box braids, and I remembered that "tied up in knots" style I saw on your site a while ago. So I went back and found it, and changed it up a bit. The only thing I did different was add more hair every time I tied a new knot, whereas you had tied the same section of hair into 3 knots. Then I tucked the ends of her hair up into the knots. The end result was a unique updo that can be dressed up with accessories and be worn to the more formal school dances.

You can see more photos of this on Mommy R's blog Tweeny Hair. Thanks for sharing this with us Mommy R!



I love posting Saturday Spotlights, but I can't do it without you. Hint, hint. Email me at joyfulmom@happygirlhair.com!

Holding Braids and Twists without Bands

Last week, Alisha asked about finishing the ends of braids and twists without using a band, snap, or barrette. Whether you can do this or not depends on the curl pattern of the hair. Very tight coils will often stay together at the end of braid or twist with little to hold them there. Looser curls may require some type of holder. To help the end of Little Bs braids or twists stick together, I add a moisturizing styling cream with hold and twist the hair in one direction, as I would to make a coil.

When I let go, the coil holds. As the weeks go on, we co-wash braids and twists and often the weight of water will loosen some of the coiled ends without disturbing the braids or twists. I simply add a bit more product and coil the ends again. This series of photos was taken after a co-wash, as her hair was drying. 

I love the ability to end a braid this way because I know we won't experience breakage from bands or hair accessories. It's a great way to be even more protective with a protective style.

Cornrows Up and Cornrows Down

This week, Little R requested a style that went all the way around her head. I'm not certain what she meant by that, but I think she was talking about a big spiraled cornrow. Knowing she wasn't quite ready to sit for that after our prolonged loose hair experiment, I opted for something a little less time consuming. I made this one up as I went, but I like the way it turned out.

I started by parting a C shape around her right ear and using a pony tail holder to really separate the hair and make sure the part was clearly defined. I later switched the pony O to the other side so I could work with the main, or larger, section of hair.

Next, I parted a row along her forehead, going from the part line to her left ear. I made my part slightly curved. I cornrowed starting at the part line and going all the way down to the hairline. Once I ran out of hair to add, I braided to the end and banded. I repeated this in two more sections for a total of three hanging braids on the left side of her head.

I parted another section, but this time, I braided from the hairline up toward the original C part.  I then braided the extra hair at the end and banded the braid. I repeated that until I used all the hair that remained in the large section. I ended up with four sections with cornrows going up.

To do the cornrows that went up, I had her bend her head forward. She missed most of the cartoon she was watching and got mad, which is the reason that I usually sit behind her and braid "up" or in reverse. That's a skill that takes some effort for me and on this day, my hands would not cooperate. We had to promise to replay the episode.

I took the ends of the braids that went up and combined them with the loose hair in the C part. I twisted it all together in a large Bantu knot and secured it with a big ouchless band. 

I placed some cute decorations around the large Bantu knot and attached little barrettes to the bottom of the hanging braids. When I went to photograph this, I noticed one of the barrettes was missing. Little R hadn't left the living room and we couldn't find it anywhere, although I did find some Pony Os under the couch cushion. I think it's safe to blame the missing barrette on Dog Boy, who was prowling around the living room at the same time Little R was enjoying her cartoon. See, he's even trying to eat the camera.

Caring for Her Coils - A Mental Game

Have you ever paused before leaving the house and wondered about the reaction your child's hair will get at the store or library? Have you perused blogs and compared notes with friends but still feel that hair care is overwhelming? Have you tried a few different things, but can't seem to get a handle on a routine, or figure out what works?

Sometimes, the inability to pull all the various aspects of hair care together isn't really about access to information on hair care, or seeing enough photos of hairstyles to inspire designs. Sometimes, it's our own fear that makes caring for and styling curls and coils seem insurmountable. Fear of what? Fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of coming up short in a very obvious way. If you've ever gone out and had a kindly stranger give you a braider's number or tell you where the nearest salon is, it can be a hard blow to self esteem and confidence. Even the kindest suggestions and offers of help can feel like deep, wounding criticism.

Hair is public. It's an outward sign of care. No one is going to know if you didn't get to the laundry and your child had to re-wear a pair of socks, or that you lost it when your sweetie refused to eat the labor-intensive dinner she specifically requested, but hair is out there for everyone to see. When you are starting at the very beginning and feeling intimidated, learning to care for curls and coils can feel like a lot of extra pressure. It's a ton of pressure on moms who are already living in a perpetual state of extreme stress, as anyone with more than one child under six is likely to be.

In my case, that fear of what I interpreted as scrutiny, but were really just simple offers of help, lit a fire under me to get it figured out. It could have gone the other way though. The fear could have been paralyzing. I could have put a mental block firmly in place and just accepted that we would get approached all the time, hoping someone would give me the magic key to unlock hair care.

Unfortunately, there is no magic key. Figuring out hair care and styling can be hard work if it is all new. It can frightening. It can be ugly. It can be beyond frustrating. This is the where hair care is a mental game. You have to slog through the frightening, the ugly, and the frustrating. To move beyond the fear, you have to embrace the idea that there will be a lot of little failures and some colossal ones. You just have to commit to it and have at it. But know too that no one on the entire planet expects you to be an expert or expects a child to look like she just stepped out of a salon every day.

Here are some basic tips for breaking it down into easier chunks. Expect trials and tribulations along the way; it's all part of the sometimes steep learning curve. This my be hard. It may look overwhelming now, but you can do it. You're tough. You know how I know you're tough? You're a mother.

• Treat it like a project and work methodically.
• Information on hair care and style ideas are widely available online and in print. Everything you need to know about basic hair care has probably already been written somewhere. Visit other sites (those in my blog roll are a good place to start), search through this one, read a couple of books for both kids and adults like these and this one. Bookmark sites that are helpful and take some notes as you read. Since there is a lot of inaccurate information on some sites, look for consensus among different sources and if someone is giving scientific information, make sure they have cited reliable sources.
• Experiment.
• You probably won't get all the pieces of the puzzle in place on the first, second or third attempt. It's okay, start with the basics like washing, conditioning, detangling, and adding moisture between washes.
• Take notes on products. You can use this handy spreadsheet if you wish. If you have some products you like and some you don't, switch out the ones you don't like one at a time so you can gauge the replacements accurately.
• Move on to styling only when you feel ready and you have hair care routine in place.
• You don't have to figure everything out at once. Loose hair is fine while you are figuring out the care routine and which products work.
• When you start styling, keep it simple! Twists are a great style to start with because they are easy and can last a while.
• Stick with one or two styles until you are feeling more confident, then choose something else and give it a whirl.
• Don't tell yourself that you can't braid. If you can tie a shoe, you can braid. A lot of people are intimidated by braiding, but try to set the fear aside and do it anyway. Braids may require practice to look smooth, but stick with it and you'll get there. If you have a toddler who is too wiggly to allow practice, try making a braiding practice tool. Yes, it takes some effort to make one, but braiding is a skill that will serve your and you daughter for years.

As each aspect of care falls into place, you'll notice something. You'll feel more confident, and the more confident you feel, the less you'll get approached with unsolicited advice. Even if you do still get approached, it won't feel as devastating. You start to be able to see the difference between people who are just being genuinely caring and helpful when they approach and those who just aren't into natural hair (yet). It will all start to feel less personal. I'll bet you'll probably notice something else too, one day you'll realize that your knowledge and skills have expanded exponentially and you are off and running.

Lola's Green Hair

Have you ever had high hopes for a new product only to find that after using it once or twice it just isn't for you? Have you ever wondered what on earth do do with that nearly full bottle of product? Have you ever really wanted to try a product, but couldn't bring yourself to pay full price for something you weren't sure about? Well, you are in luck. Lola Zabeth has launched Lola's Green Hair, an online listing service for new, next- to-new, and gently used hair care products.

Here's how it works. Sellers of new, nearly new, or gently used products register on the site, and then list the product and the price. Seller listings are free through March 2011. Buyers, um, buy, usually submitting payment through Paypal. There is no haggling or bidding, and details such as shipping costs and how much of the product is left are clearly stated.

How cool is that? I know I would rather pass on products that didn't work for us than pour them down the drain, or let them fester in my own personal product graveyard until they have to be tossed out. And if there is a product I'm curious about, but don't want to pay full price for, I'm going to see if anyone has listed it there.

Lola says, “Although I am only one wee baby-toe in this large carbon footprint, I can still pamper my follicles and be environmentally responsible at the same time. LolasGreenHair.com saves some green, and keeps our environment a bit greener to boot.”

Go check it out, you may find some goodies you've wanting to try. Or maybe this is your opportunity to clear out that shelf of products that aren't being used.

Happy Valentine's Day!

With love from, The Two 

The Little R Loose Hair Experience

It's been about four weeks since I decided to let Little R have her way and wear her hair (mostly) unstyled for a four week, loose hair experience. Here's how it went.

Week 1:
After a few days, she stopped touching her hair constantly. We did simple headbands or clips to decorate. Every morning, I spritzed it and added some leave-in. I used my fingers to spread the curls out a bit and help them hang down. It was tempting to reach for the Tangle Teezer, but I resisted the urge to manipulate her hair too much. I realized pretty quickly that neglecting to braid her hair before putting on her sleep cap led to trouble in the morning.

Week 2:
This week I realized that co-washing between weekend shampoo washes was absolutely necessary. It just looked and felt like it needed it. I did detangle after co-washing, but did it lightly. I found myself a little uncomfortable with so much loose hair and encouraged her to choose a braid or bun in the morning. I think this was about routine more than hair. I usually change styles every week and I think my internal clock was telling me loose hair time was over.

Weeks 3 and 4:
I made a conscious effort to stop asking her if I could bun or braid. I did one half up/half down style and the rest of the time she wore a headband or clip. I forgot to take photos of her hair when it was totally loose though. It must have been a couple of busy weeks.

I loved that helmets were no problem with loose hair.

Week 5:
When I announced it was hair day, in her loudest sing song voice,  Little R said, "Yeah! I get my style back. Yeah! I get my style back." I had every intention of continuing our loose hair experience that week, but she seemed so excited that I couldn't break the news. When I got to her, I did a quick heart bun because she couldn't sit still. Little B sat for three hours that day, Little R started complaining after about thirty seconds. Her little scalp was also way more sensitive. She was completely out of practice with sitting and having her hair done. I found that really interesting and instructive.

Washed, conditioned, detangled.
I like to wait for it to partially dry and shrink
back into its normal curliness before styling.

A few people wondered if there would be some jealously on Little B's part because Little R would be wearing her hair loose, swingy, and she would not have to sit for hair time. I can report that there was a little jealously, but it was all on Little R's part. Little R had to be reminded that she requested loose hair a few times. Although I certainly didn't encourage it, Little B took a certain delight in reminding her too. When Little R saw Little B's heart bun, she was bummed. After that, I knew the loose hair experiment would shortly come to a close.

It was nice to have a break, but I also missed styling her hair. I'm thinking of setting aside a couple of eight week stretches when I alternate Little B in a protective style for four weeks and Little R with loose hair for the next four (protective styles don't last on Little R). That way, I 'll have a regular break from styling two heads of hair a week.

Saturday Spotlight: Miss E

Welcome back to the Saturday Spotlight! This is a series of reader submitted photos and stories about caring for and styling natural hair. Today, Mommy M is sharing her story of learning to care for little Miss E's gorgeous hair.

Eight-year old Miss E was adopted in June 2009 from Ethiopia. My learning curve has been steep on many fronts, including hair. As a regular reader of Happy Girl Hair, I want to contribute ideas and strategies that have worked for us.

Miss E has thick, coarse, 4b hair. She came to me with very short hair and skills. She could sit for long periods for hair styling, mostly enjoying hair time.She was already an excellent braider, knew how to do two-strand twists, and could remove braids.Miss E also came with a hair aesthetic. Ethiopian girls wear their styled or covered. Miss E is no exception. She likes her hair styled. She’s not socialized to like the look of an afro and is clearly uncomfortable with it as a style.

Starting out with 4b hair with a nearly 7-year old girl was challenging. My daughter’s hair was short, thick and dry (and I realize now with quite damaged ends). Our first hair task together was to remove 30 cornrows (three cornrow pigtail style)! We are still  working together to learn styles, products, and maintenance routines that work for us. Here are few pictures of our styling journey.

For our first styles, Miss E’s hair so short that we needed five puffs, not the three she really wanted. Plus, we needed a big handful of barrettes and clips to hold down the short fly aways. We did some afros with a head band, but those were probably my way of avoiding styling and Miss E’s way of avoiding my styling. A free afro is a lot of maintenance on Miss E!

Our five puff style

July 2009, less than one month home

By the winter of 2009-2010, Miss E’s hair was long enough to be in box braids and box twists. A professional braider admonished me about keeping her hair in a protective style, not the free, tangled end hair I had brought to the styling chair. From the basic box braid style, I finally branched out into cornrows in the front section.

We’ve come a long way and now do mostly cornrow styles with or without box braids/twists that stay in for several weeks. 

A recent style

October 2010

It's great to see the evolution of care and styling for Miss E. Thank you to both Mommy M and Miss E for sharing this with us.




Do you like the Saturday Spotlight? Me too, but I can't do it without you.

If you'd like to join the Saturday Spotlight fun, email me at joyfulmom@happygirlhair.com with some photos. Tell me what you'd like other readers to know. You can share a favorite style, or tell us about  your hair care journey, or share a hair routine that works for you. If you are very brave, you can also share a hair mistake you've made and what you learned from it. Stories about happy boy hair are always welcome too. 


-Katie

An Inch or Less

I got a great reader question about handling extremely short, tightly coiled hair. Many families who adopt internationally travel to take custody of their child and find the child's head has recently been shaved. Head shaving in an institutional setting can help keep lice infestations down and make tinea capitis easier to treat topically. My reader wanted to know how to care for and add a little style to very short hair, especially since her daughter is an preschooler who remembers the joy of her braids.

I dug through some really old photos to see how I dressed up Little B's hair when it was less than an inch long. I left her hair plain a lot but when we wanted to get fancy, I used headbands, tiny metal barrettes, mini clips, tiny plastic barrettes, and snaps. I remember how delighted she was every time I decorated her hair.

I found most of these mini hair accessories at my local Rite Aid, but I ordered the snaps online from either Snapaholics, Shuruba, or Curly is Cuter. I think I found most of my headbands at Claire's. I still have, and use, every one of these accessories. I should warn you though that if are using metal barrettes with a decorative piece on them, you need to be very careful removing the barrette. Sometimes the hair can wrap around the decoration.

Some of the mini accessories we own. Clockwise from top:
mini daisy barrette, heart snaps, flower snaps, flower mini
claw clips, metal barrettes. Center: dragonfly barrettes.

Caring for hair this short is pretty simple. Wash and condition as needed, and add some coconut oil a few times a week. If the hair seems dry, add a daily leave-in. You can use a soft baby brush if you'd like or use your fingers to gentle detangle and remove shed hair. Another way to do it, courtesy of reader Desta, is to co-wash every 2-3 days, detangle gently with conditioner in, rinse, and add a leave-in (hair butter, liquid leave-in, or oil) and let it be until the next time. As the hair grows, the addition of a daily leave-in and regular detangling is helpful.

Box Braids the Easy Way

I've been wanting to put Little B's hair into some protective box braids for a couple of weeks. The last few weekends, I've found an excuse not to. It's not the braiding that bothers me, it's the parting. Parting off tiny boxes is such an exercise in frustration for me. They are never the same size and never line up evenly.

Late last week, I was blown away this amazing reader contribution at Beads, Braids and Beyond. The post shows a parting method using a crescent shape rather than squares. I knew immediately that it would be so much easier so I made a commitment to try it this past weekend. Coincidentally, the morning after I tried this method, Rae, the mom who was published on Beads, Braids and Beyond, got in touch with me. She has a brand spankin' new blog devoted to natural styles for tweens. It's called Tweeny Hair and if you have a daughter in or nearing the tween years, you should check it out. You can also see her photos of her daughters box braids there.

Okay, now I know I've said these were easy, and they are. But I want you to know that I'm not trying to fool you, putting in little box braids takes lots of time no matter how they are parted. Little B's took about three hours. This is how we did it.

I detangled as I went rather than detangling first.
I added a lot of leave-in so her hair wouldn't dry out
while I worked.

I used the end of a rat tail comb to part
in these crescent shapes and then detangled each little section.
 I started on the left of each row and just had to part off a
little bit on the right and left sides of each crescent as I went. I used clips to hold the
hair I wasn't working with and used a moisturizing
styling creme to help hold the braids. 

I parted in rows that went straight across until I
got to the top of the head.

Two rows finished. Lots more to go. I tried to
make each crescent part end near the center of the
braid below it.

This is what the pattern ended up looking like.
I tried to keep the rows pretty even.
Do check out the post at Beads, Braids and Beyond.
The parts Rae did are so much better than mine.

The pattern isn't really visible with the braids down.

I decided to cornrow the top of her head
so her hair would stay out of her face. To
do this, I choose a point off center and parted off
one row on on side of the point. After braiding that
I moved the the other side. I went back and forth
working closer to the center each time. 

This week, I took my own advice about making mama comfy during styling. These were some of the most important tools I used in our three hour styling marathon.

This is a soothing sac; it's one of those grain filled things that
can be microwaved to provide soothing, moist heat for aching bits.
I wedged it up against my lower back as I worked on her hair.
The kitty is a boo-boo buddy. This was for my sore, aching heel.

Sauce pulled from the freezer. All I had to do was boil some pasta
for a nearly instant, nutritious dinner. Ahhh. 

Joyful Dad came home from the store with these. I asked him to
bring a treat like muffins for us all, but he had other ideas. Yay!
This makes up for the time I asked him to get ice cream
and he brought home sorbet. :)

I'm hoping these last several weeks. Admittedly, box braids aren't my favorite for Little B because I don't feel they compliment and frame her face the way her afro does, but her hair really needs a styling break and braids hold up so well.

Do you intentionally do styles you don't love? And more importantly, what's your favorite treat after hair time?