How much does neatness count?

Today, a post at Anti-Racist Parent about Zahara Jolie-Pitt's hair has people talking not only about this child's hair but about the larger issues of loose hair, neat hair, what is socially acceptable and to whom, and white parents grooming black kids' hair.

As a white parent, I know that if I bring my girls out with hair that looks unkempt, I will either be approached by a stranger offering advice, which I don't mind, or a I'll be given reproachful looks, which do bother me. I feel intense pressure to conform to the standards of neat hair.

In the case of the Jolie-Pitt's this kind of scrutiny is on an much, much larger scale, but it probably isn't nearly as up close and personal. The question is, if you didn't have to deal with face-to-face interactions about the state of your child's hair, or be judged in person, would the way you style hair be different?

Keeping Natural Hair Hydrated

Stacy asks:

My daughter's hair is very similar to Little R's.

I'm curious what products you use on your girls hair daily. We are struggling with hydration. She doesn't like to sleep in braids so we have a lot of work in the morning :)

I think a lot of people struggle with keeping the hair detangled and hydrated. Let's talk about detangling first. Trying to detangle every morning is not only hard on mom and child but it's hard on the hair. One solution is putting the hair in one or two puffs high on the head at night. That should feel more comfortable and it's a cute style that doesn't require much freshening up in the morning.

If you want to leave your child's hair in braids overnight but the child protests, try a snug fitting sleep cap. That should hold everything in place and make the hair feel smooth and uniform enough to sleep on.

Hydration is big issue and something that we will talk about a lot at Happy Girl Hair. One of the most important lessons I've learned is that shampoo and conditioner choice can make all the difference. I try to choose shampoos and conditioners with all natural ingredients. Some people forgo the shampoo in favor of a no poo (also called a co-wash), which is a wash with conditioner only.

Another key to hydration is adding a moisturizer as needed between washings. There are a lot of combination moisturizers/styling products for natural hair, many specifically for kids. Hair milk, which is a light liquid or lotion moisturizer that can be used daily is another option. Again, I would look for all natural ingredients.

There are many brands of natural hair care products and it does take some experimentation to find a few that not only work for your child's hair but have a scent you both enjoy. Some companies have sample sizes which are helpful as natural products cost more than drugstore or beauty supply brands. The following is a short list of natural hair care companies that are often recommended on natural hair care forums.

Aubrey Organics
Blended Beauty (a Joyful Mom favorite)
Carol's Daughter
Chagrin Valley Soaps (for shampoo bars)
Curls (Curly Q's for kids)
Darcy's Botanicals (a new Joyful Mom favorite)
Oyin Handmade
Qhemet Biologics (Currently out of stock on everything, but this company get rave reviews)

Mid-week Style Update

I'll be posting hair updates mid-week so we can see how the style, product and ornaments are holding up over time. This week I gave Little B some two stand twists using a new styling creme. I finished them off with cloth bands and large beads. Little R has four braids held with cloth bands.

Little B's twists are starting to frizz a bit, but but we have not babied the style this week. These twists have been slept on four nights and through three naps. They've been through the sprinkler and to a swim class, with it's pre and post-class showers sans swim cap (more on that in a future post). They've been to the playground and they've rolled around on the carpet while their owner played. Considering the amount of activity, I would have expected very fuzzy twists by now. I think they are still relatively smooth because of the new product.

I didn't have a ton of luck with the large beads I used. They looked cute and stayed in most of the time. I did take them out for sleeping and swimming. I don't love the look of large beads with snaps so I just bulked up small soft bands at the bottom to fill the bead hole. It seemed like one or two would fall off a few times a day and although I could put them on again without a beader, it got to be a nuisance. Today, I gave Little B the option of finishing the twists with smaller beads and snaps, mini flower claw clips, tiny dragonfly barrettes (attached to the band, not the hair), or brightly colored cloth bands. She chose the claw clips and I think they'll stay in much better.

When I do four braids on little R's hair I can usually expect to rebraid almost every day. This week, I didn't rebraid until today. Again, I think it was the pomade that made the difference. I noticed that there was a lot less lint collected at the base of the braid too. I took each section out one at a time, misted them with my water and oil mix, brushed the section and banded the base. I added a tiny bit of pomade, combed and rebraided. The whole thing took less than five minutes but Little R insisted on new ornaments because Little B's were changed. She chose to have ballies at the base of each braid with a matching cloth band at the end. I learned early on that I can't use ballies to actually hold the hair. I find it almost impossible to get the right hold with them. They are either way too tight and the band starts to disintegrate or too loose and they won't hold the hair. Now I just use a small cloth band to hold the hair and the ballie, fastened loosely, for decoration.

Based on our experience this week, I'm rating Darcy's Botanicals Vanilla Madagascar Styling Creme and Organic Coconut Butter Styling Pomade five out of five star beads.

I'm giving my experiment holding large beads with cloth bands two out of five star beads. If anyone has a great method for holding these without snaps of barrettes, please use the comments to let me know!

Sleep Caps for Kids

My girls use sleep caps every night to protect their hair from breakage and to help preserve their style. There are a few different styles of caps. Some people use satin scarves (knotted in front or back, or held in place with a cloth headband) and still others use satin pillowcases. 

A few months ago I bought some traditional meshy caps that you can find at the drugstore. These are the type that have an elastic band around the bottom to hold them on the head, while the part that covers the head is loose. I liked them very much. They feel light on the head, they're really breathable, they can be hand-washed and they stay on pretty well. They are both cheap and cheerful. However, that cheapness does mean they aren't always built to last. Sometimes, the elastic is all that securely attached. Or the meshy material might get caught in something and snag. Or, like me, you might have a child who cannot resist pulling on any loose string. Little B managed to completely detach the elastic from this style of cap a mere two days after she got it. So I had to go back to our original style of cap, which is not a cap at all.

I'm a little embarrassed by this, but here goes. A long while back, someone on my adoption agency's message board suggested a novel re-purposing of an everyday school item. She suggested textbook covers as sleep caps. I was a bit surprised because when I was a kid, text book covers were made out of paper grocery bags and there was much measuring, cutting and taping involved. I went down to my local drugstore and saw that we can now buy textbook covers made from Lycra blends featuring all kinds of patterns. They are about $4.00 each and totally reusable. Why and how do these work as sleep caps? Well, they are incredibly durable, machine-washable, stretchy and they stay in place. You simply stretch one side over the hair and the rest of the "cap" hangs down in the back. 

At first, I was a little uncomfortable of putting these on Little R and Little B, but I held the material up to my mouth and nose and made sure I could breathe through it should the cap slip and cover their faces (it's never happened). They also looked pretty warm, but I've tried them on was happy to find that they're not. They are actually quite breathable. Unlike a the traditional sleep cap pictured above, these really hug the head, keeping everything in place. Little B says that they are comfortable and she doesn't like to sleep without hers. They may be a little odd looking, but Little B and Little R don't know that and I'm all for what works.

Anyone out there have a sleep cap you just love? Let me know in the comments!

I Love My Hair and Hair Story Reviews

When my girls were little and just learning English, I was so proud when Little B figured out how to use verbs. One day when her sister asked her to play and she was busy with her books she announced, “I’m booksing!”

She and Little R still do a lot of booksing, only now they call it reading, and one book they never tire of is I Love My Hair! written by Natasha Anastasia Tarpley illustrated by E. B Lewis. This is a very sweet picture book about a girl who is learning to be proud of her hair. Her loving mom teaches her how lucky she is to have hair that can be worn in so many styles. Her styles spark her imagination and ultimately bring her joy. The story really resonates with Little B and Little R and they love to see that the experience of having hair done is universal. Little R says, “I love this book. It shows about hair and which kind of hair you can do. Her mama’s makin’ her hair.” Little B says, “I like the hair styles, they’re just perfect. I love the hair styles that they made.”

Joyful Mom rates this:

Hair Story: Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America
by Ayana D. Byrd and Lori L.Tharps is a book I keeping coming back to. The authors cover the history of black hair in America from 1400 to the present day in a clear, easy-to-read way. We learn about the rise of the black hair care industry, hair politics and how black hair culture changed dramatically through the twentieth century. The authors included a lot of photos and some illustrations to compliment their comprehensive and insightful text. The book is indexed and includes a long source list which lists some other books on hair that look very interesting. I’ve just made this book sound very long, but it’s a portable 198 pages, easily readable by busy moms of curly girls (and boys).

Joyful Mom rates this:

Happy Reading!

Very Unhappy Girl Hair

A little while ago, a video of a little girl having her hair brushed surfaced on You Tube. It sparked a ton of outrage at the mother's/caregiver's aggressive use of the brush on her daughter's hair and the mother's abusive language. For five minutes we see the little girl screaming, crying, and trying to get away while her mother/caregiver holds her down, swears at her and attacks her dry hair with a brush - all while a laughing older child records it. I think it's very sad and truly abusive. Others have said that they don't find it so and that the little girl may be playing it up for the camera.

Today, The Root published an excellent editorial about it and I thought I'd share that. I won't post a link to the video here, but you can link from the story if you wish.

September 4th Update: Due to the persistence of a blogger, the mother was recognized by police and the little girl and her brother were taken into protective custody. Apparently, there were other videos that were even worse and showed a pattern of abuse.

Wash and Trim

Today the girls were due for their regular wash and I noticed that they were both in need of a small trim too. The ends felt a little brittle and adding product to them didn't help, so it was trim time! The simplest way to trim Little B's type 4 hair is to put it in two strand twists and then trim a small amount off of each twist, always trimming at an angle. Little R's type 3 hair can be trimmed in the same way.

So after their afternoon nap, I used aAubrey Organics Island Natural Conditioner. This was our first time with that conditioner and the kids said it smelled like "boo boo medicine." They mean Bactine, and they're right, it does. Thankfully, it worked well and the smell didn't linger. I used a very wide-tooth comb to do some gentle detangling while the conditioner was in. After rinsing and patting some of the water out with a towel, I added some jojoba oil to their hair.

I set the girls up with snacks and a movie* and got down to business with the styling and trimming. I sectioned Little B's hair using a pintail comb and clips. I secured each section with a band and added some lovely Darcy's Botanicals Madagascar Vanilla Styling Creme. I combed out each banded and moisturized section, separated it into two equal sections and twisted them. I banded the twist again at the bottom, leaving a bit of loose hair at the bottom. I then trimmed less than 1/4" off of each twist. I didn't cut off very much, only a small handful.

I added some large beads to the ends of the twists and secured them by wrapping then end of each twist with a soft cloth band (in addition to the band holding the twist). I put the bead over the bunched up soft band and it's holding pretty well.

Unfortunately, this took a very long time and I didn't have time to do the same for Little R. Instead, I put her hair into my favorite Little R style. But before I did that I spent a few minutes just looking at how gorgeous her curls looked with just a wash and condition, a bit of oil and lots of time to air dry. They were shiny and springy and just so pretty. There was a lot of shrinkage, but the curl definition was just outstanding. It would have been nice to leave them loose, but I promised her a different style this week. I put four sections in her hair, spritzed with a water and oil mix, gathered the hair using her boar bristle brush and banded each section at the base with a soft cloth holder. I combed each section and added a bit of Darcy's Botanicals Organic Coconut Butter Styling Pomade. I braided each section and banded the end with another soft holder. That is truly happy girl hair.

*The movie was Babe and I thought it would be fine. The pig is cute and there are puppies- puppies! I forgot that the old sheep dies and Babe cries. Sadly, it made my babes cry for about 45 minutes after the movie ended. I should stick to Sesame Street.

The what and why of natural hair

Natural hair is hair that is not treated with chemicals. I'm committed to keeping my girls' hair chemical-free as a celebration of their beauty and heritage. I want their hair to be a source of pride for them. And I want to help them resist the pressure to conform to a beauty standard that doesn't embrace them as is. Relaxers are so harsh and damaging to the hair, but I believe that the message that a beautiful girl's curly hair needs to be a different texture is far more damaging to the spirit.